Being Thankful & Forgiving

It’s the time of year where everyone makes a point to show how thankful they are.  That’s great.  And, lots of my friends express their gratitude for being blessed with the little things in life during the year.  I love that.  You see, over the years I have made my circle smaller and smaller.  Whenever possible, I make sure I am surrounded by people who make MY life better by just being themselves.  I try to weed out the constantly negative people and the users.  Sometimes it’s hard to do.  Unless you are willing to explain to someone why you cut them out of your life, you are frequently stuck with them.

My baby sister-in-law is someone who comes and goes from my circle.  That makes me sad.  But, she often lives a lifestyle that is harmful to her and hurtful to others.  When things get bad, I either speak up (and she cuts me out for a while) or I cut her out.  Don’t get me wrong, I worry about her and miss her the whole time she’s gone.  When we are in public together, people often assume that we are sisters because of our interactions.  We noticed several years ago that we are closer to each other than our actual sisters.

A few years ago we lost her older sister suddenly.  I won’t go into details, but health issues turned into a coma and we had to make the choice to remove her from life support.  It sent the family into a tailspin.

My sister-in-law (who we already suspected of drug abuse) seemed to get worse.  Then, she left her husband (who was just as bad as she was), disappeared, came back and repeated the process a couple of times.

She finally went to rehab and came out looking healthy and seemed like her old self.  And then things started going downhill.  I knew when she came back from rehab that she was smoking pot.  I figured there were far worse things she could be doing so I ignored it other than to ask her to not expose me or my son to it.  Being bipolar, pot is very appealing to me.  It’s also not a good thing for me.

She was staying with my in-laws and applying for jobs.  But, she was failing drug tests for jobs.  I finally spoke up to The Hubby and told him why she was failing the tests.  And, she was furious with me.  She told her parents I was a liar and she disappeared again.

She’s back now, off and on, at my in-laws.  The cold weather has made living out of her car (yes, that’s where she is at this point in her life) and she sometimes stays with my in-laws.  She makes sure to avoid me.  I have to give her credit.  Avoiding me takes a lot of energy since I live next door.

With Thanksgiving looming, I am missing her something fierce.  I want her back in my life.  But, I NEED for her to be trying to live the best life she can for herself.  It kills me to watch her be self-destructive.

So, today’s plan (along with a million other things) is to catch her at the in-laws’ house and have a heart to heart with her.  Although I did the right thing, I need to have her forgive me for ratting her out.  I don’t need forgiven.  i did the right thing.  But, I need her heart to forgive me so that she can accept what I did and once again become an important part of each others’ lives.

We’ll see how it goes.

Peace, Love & Family

Hoosier Barn Chick

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